It's Killing Me

7:18 PM

This song has been playing constantly in my house for days now. Oh, I give it a break and let something else play, but right now this song has my mind, body, and soul. As-a-matter-of-fact, as I type this, it has been playing on repeat and has played at least twelve times (I know my neighbors are thinking of forming a lynch mob).

It is not because I am down-hearted because my man has cheated on me, as that is what the song is about. No, it is because of understanding, I feel when listening to the lyrics and the music. . . . it fills me with sentiment. The beat stirs my mind.

Laying in the dark, so many thoughts flood my mind.

"I know you messing around, but who the hell else is gonna hold me down"

Why is my friend staying with a man who is doing this exact thing to her. Even when the girl showed up at the house to tell her that, him and her were still together. Even after she told me she feels more like his room mate then lover. There is no trust. He went out of town . . with who. That she hates him, yet she loves him. Who else does she have? What about the children?

"A part of me wants to leave, but the other side still believes"

Oh my goodness, why can I understand this song so well?
If he calls me one more name. If he points out one more flaw. If he makes me feel inadequate one more time.
Why can't he love me the way I imagine I should be loved. Maybe I have watched to many movies. Maybe I need to quit believing in those damn fairytale endings.

"And it kills me to know how much I really love you
So much I wanna ooh hoo ohh to you hoo hoo"

I adore that man. I love him so much. I just want him to wrap me up in his arms and I'll know things will work out. His strong, strong, strong arms. Lay my head on his chest. Touch his warm skin. Massage his muscles. Rub his back. Open my thighs . . .

"I don't need to be on my own
But I love this man
But some things I just can't stand ohhhh"

Why is it every time I give him another piece of my heart . . . he reacts as if it is no big deal? Doesn't he understand what I am handing to him? How much damage he could cause to me? The state of mind he has me in? No, he is f*cking oblivious to it. Or maybe he could just care less.

"To think it's gonna work this time Oohh a part of me wants to leave but the other half still believes"

Girl, quit over reacting! You are so sensitive sometimes. He didn't mean anything. So, what if he talked down to you yesterday. At least he only wants you. I think?

"And it kills me to know how much I really love you
So much I wanna ooh hoo ohh to you hoo hoo"

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