Early Morning-ism

Last week, I was running on empty. Besides, giving up sleep to plan, work on, and execute the business (which we will discuss in the next three to three hundred posts), I lost two days of sleep because of a field trip.

My son had a field to the state capital for a SADD event. The students had to be at the school by 4 AM. Last year when my daughter had to go, my ex-husband was able to drive her up to the school. This year he was having car trouble so, it was up to me to get my son to the school.

I couldn't find the letter with the date of the trip, but we knew it was that week. I told my son to ask when he went to school Tuesday. He forgot but, swore it was that Wednesday morning. I go along with it. I stayed up getting his things together. Did a little work went to lay in the bed. When I know I have to get up for something I tend to sleep very light, constantly watching the clock. At 3 AM, I got him up, dressed, and by 3:35AM we were on our way.

I don't drive so we had to walk 5 blocks, uphill, to the school. I was armed with my mace and cellphone and nothing else. Cold, dark, quiet walk.

We get there and there is not a soul in the parking lot. I can't be mad at my son because I am the one who lost the letter then trusted a 10 year old to get the right information.

My son is like "please wait a minute". We wait 15 minutes. Do you know a guy came walking pass and tried to "talk" to me. "Hey, what's your name?"

I look at him like do not f*ck with me. He says sorry and keeps walking. We turn to head back home. I get my disappointed son to go back to sleep so, he can get up for school. But, I can't sleep. Finally, it hits me go to the SADD site and see when the event is (would have been a useful thought at 7pm the night before). The event is the next day.

About 15 minutes before it is time to get my daughter up for school, I sit back on the couch and fall off. I wake up 30 minutes later. There is no way she is going to make it. Every minute counts because she is s-l-o-w in the mornings. She did hustle that morning but, I knew she would miss the bus. She did and the next one won't come for a hour so, she missed school. My son made it to school and me to work.

Next evening, my son is positive (from his friends chatter) the trip is that morning so, am I after reading the site.

This time, I am even more nervous and so was my son. I live in a decent neighborhood. But, you never know. My son asks me to carry both my pepper sprays. I do. Repeat the sleeping light to make sure I get up, get him ready, taking the quiet walk uphill to the school. This time there are cars. He is happy.

I wait until a trusted teacher comes, then I walk home. This time, I sit at my work area so I won't fall asleep. I wake my daughter on time and I get myself ready for work.
Dark circles and all.

Fear Takes a Bite

In the county I live in there have been 72 recorded pitbull attacks. The number is probably a little higher. For some reason pitbull attacks are on the rise. I will admit, I have always been afraid of pitbulls. I know it is not the breeds fault they are the way they are. It is the fault of the people who are raising these animals.

I really do feel bad for these dogs. I wish that they were not so abused. I wish for an end of all animal abuse.

Back, in June. I was ran on by a pitbull.

I use to walk to work every morning. Since, I work the next neigborhood over and most of the walk was down hill. I also use to walk home which is mostly all up hill. It was good for me and I enjoyed the time to think, plan, and meditate.

I would walk out my door, down my street, and up a little hill. At the top of the hill there is a house with two pitbulls. The poor dogs are always tied outside, even in winter. They have houses but still, I have never seen the point of having a dog if all you are going to do is leave it tied outside all the time.
Anyway, the two dogs always bark when they see someone walk past. The smaller dog (which I found out later is the female) usually goes wild when she is barking trying to pull off the chain and come get you.

On this morning, I walk up the hill (I always walk on the opposite side of the street) and I notice the larger gray dog (which I found out is the male). On top of his dog house and he isn't barking. I thought that was strange but what was more strange was . . .where was the other dog. I look down by the fence there is the brown dog, staring at me.

I knew she was coming. I told myself, "you can not run just try to keep standing. Do not let that dog get you on the ground".

That dog jumped the fence and came running. A pitbull's mouth is so frightening. You can just see the power in those jaws. I strat swinging my purse and screaming at the top of my lungs. Every which way the dog turns I turn my body to face it. I want to remain face to face with that dog. For some reason she doesn't bite me, she backs up. I think she is surprised by my reaction. But, she is not done.

I think to myself, here she comes again. "I am going to fight her but, I know she is going to get me this time. So, I will just offer her my arm and punch it in the nose. Just please God don't let her take me down." She charges. There is a high pitch scream. She turns and runs back toward the house jumps the fence and goes in her house.

I am standing there chest heaving, waiting for her to decide to come back. When I noticed the little girl who leaves in the house out the upstairs window. Then, the father comes running out. He leashes the dog back up and I fall to the ground in tears.


Apparently, they brought the dogs new collars and hers was too loose. The dogs are reasonably cared for so, they are still there. Tied up all day. And I am thankful that it wasn't the male dog cause I think he would have mauled me badly.

Oh, and after everything was said and done. I went to work that afternoon.
This has been a long story.

Anyway, the dogs still live there. And I no longer walk that way out of fear. The other day, I tried. Told myself to face my fear. But three house away, from their's, I could not get my legs to move. My heart raced and I quickly turned and sprinted back to walk the longer way to catch a bus.

I don't think I will ever walk that way again.

Maybe it's Nothing but I Ain't Having it

So, I was getting ready to type another post when my son walked in the room (he just came from outside) and told me he had a job.

Me: What job.

Him: Uncle Barry . . (I give him a who the hell look cause we don't have no Uncle Berry in this family) . .I mean Mr.Barry.

Me: Who is that?

Him: That is G's uncle (one of the little boys my son plays with and the one I am the least fond of. I guess his Uncle wants all the boys to call him Uncle).

Me: What does MR. Barry want you to do?

Him: He wants me to watch over his son in school (who is younger).

Me: Well, you don't need a job. I take care of you just fine.

Him: He already paid me.

Me: Paid you what?

Him: 4 dollars

Me: Take it back right now!

Him: Mommy.

Me: Right now! You want 4 dollars I'll give you four dollars but you are not taking money off that man. He want someone to watch his son then G, his nephew, can do it alone.



Now, maybe I am over-reacting (which may lead to a heart attack with my heart racing and my pulse pulsating, and my head throbbing, and my pressure up)but, I am not having it.


Now, I know I have complained about money. I know I have had to deny him and his sister their wants because of lack of money. I know I am barely keeping up with their needs.

Maybe, I am sending my son the wrong message about not working cause, I'll give it to him.

I just think something is off about it. I don't want my son involved.

Maybe Mr. Barry's intentions are harmless. Maybe, his son needs looked out for but, not by my child. I don't want him getting caught up in nothing. I told my son if he were to see Mr. Barry son getting picked on, he should tell an adult because, that is the right thing to do.
He is not stepping in himself either getting into a fight or being bullied or being a bully.

And he is not going to be indebted to Mr. Barry.

Maybe, Mr. Barry just feels bad because I won't allow my son to go beyond two houses on opposite ends. That's it. The amount of freedom he has.

Or that my son is the first one to come in the evening (summer too)

Maybe, I am over-reacting but, what Mr. Barry better realize and what my son seemed to fail to remember when he took that money is that his mother is

part black . . .part white. . .but all crazy.

Muttnight

I have a dog whom I call Muttnight however, the children insist his name is Midnight. He is a spoiled little mutt. Who seems to think when I say,
"get of my couch" means "please, lay there".

So, I was sitting in the game room in the armchair reading when I look over to the couch. I started cracking up. Muttnight was laying on the couch using my son's sweat jacket as his body pillow. I had to take the picture with my son's cellphone so it isn't that clear. But I knew if I ran upstairs for my camera the dog would have just followed me. I wanted to capture him in all his glory. So, I crept up and snapped the picture. Even though you will notice he is watching me.




Ever see a dog lay like that?

Did I mention he is crazy?

Yes, he has been neutered. As I am sure you can tell.

Thankfully, in the game room, I keep the couch covered with a removable, washable cover. Because between two children and a hardheaded dog, I can't win.

He does crack me up.

Dreaming Life Away

We all have them . . . those dreams that we just can't shake, when we wake.

Having the day off from work, I decided to sleep in just alittle. I woke up at my usual time, told myself I need to get up and work on other business but, I just wanted that extra snooze time.

Let the crazy dreaming begin. . .



My daughter went to school. My son and I started cleaning the game room (which of course didn't look my the game room). In my dream it was my house, it resembled my house, it had the layout of my house but, it was so different and even a little larger.

So, while my son and I are cleaning someone shows up at my door. My door is open but the screen is locked (something I never really do cause I am paranoid). It is a women who I recognized but, I really don't know who she is. I grab my son and we hide in the corner as she looks through the screen. She finally leaves. So, my son and I head up the stairs. The living room door is open but the glass screen door is locked (once again I never do that). Another women comes to my door. It is a high school friend, who I no longer speck to and haven't seen in years, I go to the door and step outside to talk to her. She asks me what is wrong with me. I tell her nothing. She then tells me a guy, who I never liked and really only spoke three words to when I attended community college, told her that I called him asking for money. She didn't even go to community college with me and the two of them (as far as I know) do not even know one another in real life.
Anyway, I deny ever calling him. So, to prove it she calls him on her cellphone. She hands me the phone while it is ringing. He answers. I ask him why he told her I asked for money. He hangs up on me.

Next, thing I know I am following her up the street and she is explaining she was in my neighborhood because a childhood friend had killed herself. I finally notice she is in black. I remember the girl who earlier came to my door was wearing black too. I am walking with this ex high school friend in shock as I notice other people walking up the street in black too. I am wearing a t-shirt and jeans.
We get to a building (in my neighborhood that in reality is not in my neighborhood)and the ex high school friend sits down in a chair where there are two older women sitting in chairs. I don't understand why she killed herself. They are saying something about unexplained occurrences. I want to know when the funeral is. Today at 3 but be here by 2 they tell me.

I tell them I will, I am going to go get dress and call my father so he can come with me (My father has been dead for about 6 years). I get home and I am trying to call my father but, I can't remember his phone number. I can't find it in my home phone or cellphone (I have looked through 4 of them. My children are there listening to me fuss and they are now older). Next thing I know my father shows up. Well, he is dark like my father, same height, but he doesn't exactly look like my father.

I tell him that I have been trying to call. That so and so killed herself. I asked him if he is going to the funeral (then I noticed he is already dressed for it)

and he said, "I never miss a funeral."

I woke up.
*************
Maybe it is depression. Maybe it is the stress I am feeling over money and my house needing work. Maybe it is the stress of not wanting to fail or not making it in business. Maybe it is the fact that I am having pain and I will have to pay out the pockets for any test. But, I think that dream means . . .something really bad.

It's Been So Long . . I Miss You

I was singing that song verse over and over. I couldn't remember the name or singer but after googling the entire chorus, I found out who sang it.


Hey guys, I missed you all. I have been around if you are a friend on Facebook or we are following each other on Twitter you know this. You also know I have been busy working on building the LLC and my other site. Also, you might know I am suffering from major heartbreak.

So, I am behind on everything because . . . depression is trying to drown me.

Yes, I have been giving myself morning pep talks and praying but, being the human I am I hurt.

Anyway, my lovely people.

I have worked out a schedule, I hope to stick to, where I can make time to blog here twice a week . . . well, at least once a week.

What else is going on. . . .

* I cut all my hair off. I posted a picture on FB, of the first cut however, now it is even shorter. I will have to take some pictures and post them.

* I am taking time to be with just me. I am not dating . . .at all. I haven't dated since, March of 2010 and I don't plan on considering dating until March 2011. Unless, one of two things happens. 1)A dream walks into my life 2)My dream walks into my life.
I just don't want to rebound date.

* I don't think there are any men in my city who I would want to date. I believe if I don't leave here soon, I will never date again.

Is there any good news?

* Yes, I am learning to change my negative and sarcastic attitude.

* I am learning to set aside my fears. I have allowed them to stifle my dreams long enough.

Until, next time . . .